The mystical passage into ETERNITY. The final journal entries.
It is not suffering and sickness which trouble me now, but the approach of “the great Borderland” between the world of birth and the world of ETERNITY. We, creation, are in-between two worlds, that of birth and that of eternity. And between them there is a mystery, the Borderland to Eternity, which each one of us in his due time must pass through. Even if there were no sin, its repercussions, or death, the Borderland would have still existed since it is the Door for passing between the two worlds: the lower world and the world Above. We are created Beings and we can never be confused with GOD, Who gave us being.
We are created, born as Creatures with Soul directly from GOD, with a Memorial of creation, of being begotten, from our birth parents. Through this we grow, to the extent that the Potential of birth, of being begotten, is for us the encounter with the Maker, GOD Himself. As long as we develop in the lower world of birth and growth, we have the rays of DIVINITY, but the moment comes when we must show our face before God, and this is done in the world of ETERNITY. Sin, along with death, added tares and destruction to our Being, and so the passage through the Borderland of ETERNITY is all the more difficult and even becomes terrifying. At a suitable time, willingly or unwillingly, you must pass through this Borderland, and it is then that you are put to the great test of Life.
When we are in the growth-birth stage of the earthly world we have states of confused and unstable Consciousness, so our personal conscience flails about between the reality of ETERNITY and the reality of temporality. Now however, we, through the image, the model, the likeness of ETERNITY, as Image of the DIVINE Likeness – now this image flails about to find its fulfillment, and so it drives us towards the Borderland of ETERNITY in order to pass through it. This drive that is within us is the germ of growth that must become the steadfastness of ETERNITY.
Death, due to sin, brings us fear, emptiness, powerlessness and fear of passing through the “Borderland of fire”. The Fire of ETERNITY’S Borderland is so consuming that it will burn everything that is corrupt in us. And woe, how bitter it is, that due to sin our Soul and body will be burned of all corruption. We will see ourselves empty and broken, and mutilated. We won’t be able to recognize ourselves. And we will either pass through into ETERNITY’S LIGHT or go in the opposite direction, of the Life of the darkness of death, of brokeness.
This is why diseases, sufferings, and trials are necessary in this world, in order for us to grow, to wash ourselves from corruption, so that we will not have the ability for sinning. The saints even asked for and desired these purifications before death. For some, death is like a gentle passage, for others it is very severe. Both passages however, have the role of cleansing. May the mercy of the LORD be, let it be over everyone.
LORD JESUS, I thrash about in the searchings of my heart! I was not how I should have been. I proved cowardly and unworthy. I am in-between my last hope in Your godly love and my shame. Look at me! I’m ashamed to raise my eyes and my sinful voice, and it is only in the gesture of Worship that I make an effort towards Your Mercifulness. I know that I am now at my last physical and even Spiritual strength, and it is only Your Image of ETERNITY within me that burns my Being with a consuming fire. ETERNITY in me burns me and tortures me, it can no longer stay enclosed, it must open up its uncontainableness and arrive at the encounter beyond the Borderland of this earthly world. This departure of ETERNITY from the Borderland of my being is associated with the death of sin. And behold, I am at the two terrifying trials. There are some that would like to think beautifully about the hour of death. Death’s fear and terror are a shadow of hell, so it is the most terrifying thing, and we long to cast it [death] away from us.
LORD JESUS, only through my gesture of worship can I fight any longer with the terrifying chill. I recognize that I’m afraid, and I banish this thought and imagination, and it is only with Worship above everything that I have any hope in Your Mercy.
Now I feel the great transformation in me, of personal Consciousness, that I am truly Creature and I have the task of passing, to grow the Image of ETERNITY. This consolidation of the ETERNAL Conscience of created Being-ish nature is precisely creation’s condition of entering and of living in ETERNITY.
The Fire of ETERNITY’S Borderland will leave you burnt, a true Witness that pertains to the ETERNITY of the Conscious differentiation of creatures from their Maker. Without this seal of ETERNITY’S Borderland it is impossible to enter into ETERNITY.
I must pass through a dreadful scorching and await in awe. ETERNITY flails in me, and wants to uncuff itself from my Borderlands, to enter into the unlimited path of ETERNITY. All the more frequently the chill of death, departures, penetrate me, and the fear of death compounds, and terrifying thrills that shake my whole Being are added to them. The association of death with ETERNITY becomes a double passage beyond the great Borderland of life, and a double terror that creates an altogether different kind of suffering. The sufferings of death aren’t so much organic or psychological, as much as a suffering from passage through the Borderland of ETERNITY. This has a different condition, and so nothing can ease the pain any longer, except for passing through the great Borderland. Here medicine can’t do anything, only faith remains. If many seem to die in indifference and spiritual unfeelingness, in the depths of each soul there will be, there will be an unsupportable moment that will produce a great explosion when the departure of ETERNITY will thrash you.
For a long time there has been discussion of a real death complex, in which in a few minutes and a few seconds your entire life is spread out before you, or you have extraordinary states that open up other dimensions of ETERNITY for you. The secret of the passage into ETERNITY is a Mystery which takes form* according to the Personality of each separate person. This moment is sealed for ETERNITY and becomes the nucleus of your ETERNAL Consciousness. The Seal of passing into ETERNITY is the Door of entrance into ETERNITY. It itself is your own ETERNITY, the Image of your own ETERNITY according to the Image of the Personality of your Being.
I feel a deep embarrassment before my acquaintances and before all of those for whom I, the unworthy one, was spiritual father. Brothers! Don’t be scandalized by my weaknesses and nothingness. If I had anything good it was from the Gift of GOD’S mercy. You must understand that I am just Man, a Creature like everyone else. Perhaps you thought I was special, and perhaps you used some of the Gifts that GOD worked through me. Grant me your forgiveness and keep only the good memories.
Some of my closer friends await something more concrete as a kind of testament.
Oh, LORD JESUS, what should I leave for others when I’ve now been proven naked before death and ETERNITY? Do not be disconcerted, you who believed me to be a support in your trials. Keep the advice that I gave you and remember me in your Prayers.
Priests and spiritual fathers, even if they aren’t saints, through the Gifts of the Spirit, even after death Work in those that are their Spiritual Children. So, have true trust that, as unworthy as I am, if you will follow my good advice you will be helped in continuation. And you help me more through this since Good works at the same time in this world and in ETERNITY.
If GOD wants my passage into the other world to be now, we must all submit with Worship to the Will of GOD, Who does everything with His great Mercy. Oh, you, my dearest ones, if you don’t wish to be separated from me as I also don’t want to be separated, then neither death nor ETERNITY will destroy this ETERNAL remaining together, even beyond the Borderlands of Mystery.
So they say that the souls from ETERNITY and even from the shadows of the darkness of death and hell, see their dearest ones clearly, even if they forget about them.
Our fathers and forefathers watch each of us and follow our Lives, and so there is another connection for help. The good virtues of some will also be a dowry of great use for those that follow. I feel, in a special way, HOW in their great love for all Creation, from ETERNITY they help us and Remember us permanently in their Prayers. Memories ETERNAL from the Christian Ritual is so telling in this way. It is, and remains, an ETERNAL Memory, an ETERNAL memory that will never be wiped out. Even if we, those of the earth forget it, those from ETERNITY will never forget, and because of this the Memories are a great Mystery.
Do not sorrow with disappointment. GOD put in each one the measure of his own Mystery. What is important is whether I have fulfilled the Growth of Life on Earth, if I am Born for ETERNITY, if I have escaped from bitter death that will now no longer work against me.
The saints passed, longed for the passage of ETERNITY in order to be United with CHRIST THE SAVIOR without end. The ETERNITY and temporality of this world aren’t contradictory, but reciprocally extend each other.
Today, I partook of the BODY and BLOOD OF CHRIST THE SAVIOR, with the ALLWHOLY EUCHARIST, with the BREAD OF ETERNITY. I partook of the MYSTICAL BODY of THE SON of GOD. Now I appreciate the full value of this capital truth of ours, creation. The Being Memories that GOD sealed me with at my creation awakens in me, the moribund. These Memories of my personal Being are my very self. I am the very Image that must now pass through the Borderlands of ETERNITY, and this is why PARTAKING with the Liturgical BODY of GOD, of CHRIST is for me ETERNITY itself. The ancients named it the Divine Light, awakening, Grace, transfiguration. We Christians call it clearly and concisely: THE EUCHARISTIC LITURGICAL BODY of THE LORD CHRIST. He is the COUNTENANCE* of Illumination, awakening, of spiritual vision, transfiguration and even more, of the direct and personal ENCOUNTER, and still more, of Eternity’s Life through which we must now pass.
The breath of our body stops. The breath of our Soul stops. The Soul, separated from the body, will loose its clothing, which covered the soul’s nakedness.
The Soul, in its turn, has its own clothing covering it, but as a sinner this will be without that Life of Being, without that Light.
Oh, my Soul, blind and without breath. My Soul has the Superlife of ETERNITY, the SEAL OF THE DIVINE IMAGE, of the Breath of DIVINE when I was created. All the ETERNAL Memories and the Memories of my creation will awaken in my Soul. If I have Partaken with THE BODY of CHRIST, my Soul will no longer be completely naked, but will have the GARMENT of CHRIST. Without the WEDDING GARMENT, the IMAGE-BODY of CHRIST, I can not pass through the Borderland of Eternity, and will be taken in the opposite direction, towards the darkness of death, of the kingdom of non-eternity. Here again is a terrifying truth, death is not annihilation, but is the opposite of eternity, which does not mean temporality, but a product of “contrary eternity.” It is something that decomposes forever, without ever terminating the decomposition. There will be continual dreadful death. If life will be a continual Assimilation of ETERNITY, death will be an eternal emptying of eternity.
LORD! What a terrifying truth! Some don’t want to think about this, and even refuse this information. This Passage into ETERNITY is not something to be lighthearted about. If we are lighthearted with our life, this is the moment when we will have a serious Conscience, which becomes the FIRMNESS of ETERNITY. In ETERNITY we will no longer be double-minded, and we will no longer make much of our liberty. In ETERNITY there will be nothing but UNION, a unique sense in all directions, without contrary-ness and so the issue of evil will no longer be. Now the evil of sin will be stopped. Those in the darkness of death will also stop evil, but in the manner of a continual burning that produces the torture of evil’s non-eternal, which self-destructs.
Sin no longer lives in hell, but its burning becomes the suffering of continual death. In eternity you no longer sin since Eternity is stronger than any evil and can not generate evil. In the darkness of death, the consumption of sin in an eternal consuming, it is a remembrance of sin, but in the opposite direction. This is a mystery that only GOD knows and resolves. This burning of death however, how will it be with me? All of us must pass the Borderland of ETERNITY with the burn-wounds from the death of sin, which will be the ETERNAL CONSCIENCE of ETERNAL UNSINNINGNESS.
The LORD Himself, CHRIST INCARNATE, the HEAVENLY SON of GOD the INCARNATE, was raised to Heaven into ETERNITY with the wounds of the Cross of sin even in His RESURRECTED BODY. These marks-wounds will be the CONSCIENCE OF ETERNITY that will keep us from every sin and make Eternity possible, which means a complete absence of sin. Death will be the conscience of the opposite of eternity. DIVINE ETERNITY will be ETERNAL CONSCIOUSNESS of good only.
Paradoxically, hell, death’s contrary, is also the contrary’s consumption, an affirmation of the truth. The mystery of hell has not been discussed very much by the mystical theologians. There are some allusions that have a part in reality, but the mystery properly speaking only remains the Mystery of GOD.
Life after death is in the silence of death and beyond the utterance of ETERNITY. The silence of death is not allowed to be exposed, and the utterance of ETERNITY is beyond our strength. He who uncovers the pit of death commits an inadmissible and terrifying impiety, and this is why it is avoided. The mind of whosoever rushes into ETERNITY is burned. It is only the hour of death and the hour of each one’s passage into ETERNITY that is the moment of these Mysteries’ revelations. Oh, terrifying time, but also GOD’S Appearance.
The battle between life and death is being waged all the more frequently inside of me. The chill of death penetrates me ‘til the marrow of my bones. I realize my nothingness all the more. I must accept everything with Worship. Now, only the acceptance of the CROSS and CRUCIFIXION is the true Path.
Oh, the CROSS is so heavy and CRUCIFIXION so dreadful. I must completely abandon myself. To let what must be, be; to not ask for changes or miracles. No miracle is possible now, though the complete paradox is that everything is a Miracle of great Mystery. I must receive with complete self-sacrifice the hour of CRUCIFIXION. I too, will call out, “MY LORD! MY LORD! Why have you forsaken me?”
LORD, LORD, forgive me, at the crossroad of my life. Don’t leave me, LORD! Oh, brothers, don’t grow weary by my weakness. Oh, how hard it is, the emptiness of abandonment. It is dreadful, the emptiness of abandonment. You Yourself, LORD JESUS CHRIST cried out while You passed it. It is the hour of ETERNITY’S BIRTH, which due to sin is interwoven with life’s opposite, with death. Behold the two moments of Mystery’s Borderland. I’m afraid of the final hour, which I’d like to escape, but at the same time hurry on. Waiting is often more difficult. Let what should happen, happen, and GOD, Thy will be done, not mine. Forgive me, LORD! Forgive me! Forgive me! I have all kinds of confusing and mixed visions. Now the worst memories are coming up, as an ultimate destruction.
Oh, sin, sin, how bitter your destruction is! You want to take my last drop of life and corrupt me and destroy me.
Oh, horrible sin! Oh, horrible sin! You evil spirits who laid me waste my whole life, let your ultimate destruction come now.
LORD, LORD, I know that I couldn’t fight against the passions. I know that I was weak. I know that the evil spirits deceived me.
LORD, LORD, shelter me, shelter me from the great laying of waste. Let death not be, let death not be an incrimination, my incrimination.
LORD, LORD, now I understand how bitter sin is in me. All the structures of the Soul and body will be broken. The very cells of the body will burn. The ashes from the burning will give off the stench of death. Corruption in me will give off an even uglier stench. They say that you suffocate in the smoke from corruption’s burning and that is how you give up your soul.
LORD, LORD JESUS, how can I enter into Eternity with the putrid measure of my sin?
Holy Mother of God, have mercy on me!
My holy angel, be near to me!
My Saint whose name I bear, do not abandon me!
Crossing the Borderland of death and ETERNTY’S Mystery will show me for what I am, completely, my Name, my Person, my Being, everything will reveal the image that I’ll have. The Image of Man is the Mystery of THE IMAGE OF THE SON of GOD, and this IMAGE is SELF-SACRIFICING LOVE. It is THE WORD of the Mystery of THE IMAGE OF THE GODHEAD breathed into me.
Could it be that I have a Likeness with the IMAGE of the SON of GOD? Death will empty me of Image and ETERNITY will clothe me in Image. The opposite eternity, that of death, will be the Image’s ceaseless destruction. ETERNITY will be the Image’s unending growth, of the Son’s Image, of the Creature of God, Likeness of THE IMAGE OF THE SON OF GOD.
LORD JESUS, THE SON OF GOD, do I have anything in common with Your IMAGE?
LORD, LORD JESUS, have Mercy on me and CLOTHE ME with YOUR IMAGE, so as not to be naked and disfigured. At the creation of my Soul, You, THE SON OF GOD, LORD JESUS, you offered me YOUR IMAGE, THE IMAGE OF YOUR DIVINE LOVE. This SEAL OF SON was the DIVINE model for my very Person, my appearance, the Seal of Son, my very Being.
Forgive me. I had the task of being Born, of Growing, of bearing FRUIT, and so, of crossing into ETERNITY. Simultaneously with my creation, THE ALLHOLY SPIRIT SEALED HIS DIVINE LOVE in the depths of my Being. Because of This it is known that my created Being is born of water – the SEAL of the Baptism of THE GODLY SON, and from the SPIRIT – the SEAL of the descent of DIVINE LOVE into the depths of Being, and of their UNION into the SEAL OF THE FATHER OF GOD, the Heart of the Mystery of Being properly speaking.
Oh, it is bitter for me! I abused and destroyed THE SEAL OF THE IMAGE OF SON. I darkened with the passions of death the SEAL OF THE IMAGE of the HOLY SPIRIT in me. And so I did not build the Union of Heart and ALTAR in my Being where I should have worshipped, and where the BLESSING OF THE FATHER OF GOD should have been.
Without the IMAGE OF THE ALLHOLY DIVINE TRINITY, I can not cross the Borderland of Eternity. But I will pass into the opposite, of death, and of death’s darkness with the disfigured image, without the LIGHT OF THE SPIRIT in my depths, and without THE ETERNAL HOLINESS OF THE FATHER.
Have mercy on me, LORD JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD. Have mercy on me ALL HOLY, HOLY SPIRIT. Have Mercy on me HEAVENLY FATHER. I am created by DIVINE LOVE, don’t let LOVE abandon me – conquer all of my sin, let LOVE conquer it.
Behold me, I am naked at the Borderland between ETERNITY and death. My only riches will be my LOVE, THE DIVINE IMAGE’S likeness. I need to be dressed with LOVE as in a jeweled vestment, but I, like a sinner, LORD, LORD JESUS, I PARTOOK with Your HEAVENLY BODY. Dress me with Your BODY. ALL HOLY, HOLY SPIRIT, likewise, give me back the LIGHT OF LIFE and ETERNITY.
HEAVENLY FATHER, my Heart is not an altar where I receive You, but CHRIST’S BODY AND THE ALLHOLY SPIRIT’S LIGHT will make a small little corner in the Heart where Your BLESSING is.
LORD, LORD, forgive me at the crossroads of my life…
LORD, give me Your Mercy. LORD, give me the cry of the thief on the CROSS, who was able to receive Your FORGIVENESS. From now on, only the last VENERATION remains for me. I no longer make myself out to be a philosopher. I’m afraid to think of hell. I don’t have the daring or the obnoxiousness to think of the Heavenly, I only BOW towards Your Mercy, LORD.
Holy Mother of God, I know that you have a little drop of LOVE for me, even though I have disappointed you so much!
My Angel, I am ashamed by your lifetime’s insistence for me to do well, while I didn’t listen to you!
My Saint whose name I bear, I don’t have Your virtues, and I made a mockery out of your Name!
Oh, All you saints, be help for me now!
Oh, Heavenly Image of Monk, which I bore unworthily and without attention!
Oh, oh, Lord, oh, what Image will I have at the Borderland between ETERNITY and death?
I will be completely empty. It is not allowable for me to be hopeless because it contradicts the MERCIFUL DIVINE LOVE in this hour. I am struggling between Life and death. Life is stronger than death, and ETERNITY is stronger than all, and the Mercifulness of GOD, covers everything. These paradoxes of Mystery all exist at the same time. No one can say anything until the crossing of the Borderland of Mystery. There will yet be a Breath, a Word, like at my earthly Birth. My entrance into ETERNITY will be.
LORD, THE IMAGE of Your Likeness, how broken and darkened it will be, since I have passed through the liberty of sin. Now, behold, I enter into eternal freedom without sin.
Oh, unspoken Mystery, LORD, Glory to Thee. I WORSHIP You, LORD. I thank You for all the good things, and I ask Your forgiveness for all the evil. Forgive me, LORD! Forgive me! Forgive me! So much has remained for me to ask Your forgiveness for, and to WORSHIP with an ETERNAL KNEELING.
Yet again, my brothers, I ask you, prove your understanding and forgiveness, and don’t be sad, let us submit to the LORD’S Will. Have faith, only faith will rejoice in Life ETERNAL. Rejoice for ETERNITY’S JOY.
I’m not worthy of ETERNITY, I am worthy of death, but with the ETERNAL hope of Life I too, I too await the great hour; and I beg the Good LORD to give me a little drop of ETERNITY’S JOY, even unworthy as I am.
Oh, Love of Creature and DIVINE LOVE, You cross over everything.
Oh, JOY of ETERNITY…
(published in the volume "Ghelasie Isihastul, Iubitorul de Dumnezeu" ("Ghelasie the Hesychast, the God-lover"), Platytera Publishing House, Bucharest, 2004, pp. 21-33. Transl. into English by Fr. John Downie)
Copyright: Platytera Publishing House.
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